I have a feeling that all of the moving and new schools and whatnot might have blocked out that part of me. Ironically, I was deciding between become a Nurse Practitioner, or a writer, two seemingly completely different career options, however looking at what is great for my personality type, both are included (health care, creative). The combination of empathy, being aware of others’ emotions, and being sensitive to the ways in which criticism can be hurtful probably make us actually really effective pointing out mistakes/criticisms in a way that is truly constructive. Hi Sam, Thanks so much for sharing your perspective. Romantic Relationships “Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness.” Bertrand Russell. I am very much in my own little world- I’m often not aware of what goes on around me until after it occurs. It makes sense now because we both TRULY understand the other. She told me to change but I think it was because her friends had extroverted daughters who were the cheerleaders and homecoming queens. I know it is purposely vague, but in spite of that it is “scary” accurate. I’m extremely independent and private. Hi Angela, It’s wonderful to know that you’re using your innate gifts to connect with others. The problem, I think, many INFJ folks have is expecting people to be as honest and intuitive as you. When I started reading about INFJs, it all clicked. We don’t feel connected to this world. I always felt like I had to “meter” myself out to people because I felt they wouldn’t understand me fully. I will not have it seeing it done onto others, though. The idea behind taking classes is that you’re able to get yourself out there and challenge and enjoy yourself with a new skill – you are not forced to make connections – because let’s face it it’s hard to make real, authentic connections as INFJ. I am an INFJ. This took me a loooong time to understand and to respect. I have very few close friends, even though people tend to be drawn to us. Or I could just be stupid and crazy. I wish I knew that ‘not fitting in’ was normal years ago as I would have stopped investing so much of my heart into fitting in a long time ago and could have moved on with what I love to do sooner. I still have my teddy “woofy” in my cupboard with my blue blanket from when j was a child because it has a warm memory behind it.. Congrats you’re in the 1% 🙂, I try couples time to take a test We find our truth and never let go. I am an INFJ. so regardless of personality types everyone should have a servants attitude towards the world . So I have to reinvent myself somewhat because I tend to put myself last. I finally see why NoBody gets me! But MOST of the time, I’m doing what I love. Good luck to all of you! Thanks for the comment on which friends to pick. It took my husband (a extrovert!!) The article is exactly true!!! Don’t get me started on retail/sales; I’ve never tried and I never will! But there is one thing i hate. They say they want honesty, so I give it to them, lol. I totally know what you mean about reading people and their personalities. I decided to just be myself. I usually have a gut feeling about things around me, especially people; and more often than not it turns out to be right! Being an INFJ has been the HARDEST for me! Life is hard for everyone and especially with this personality, it seems harder as we yearn to find meaning in everything we do. I thought the whole ’cause’ thing wasn’t really me, mainly because I’ve never been in much of a position to help others. Think you know what an introvert is? Hi there, thank you so much for your article. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder (with extreme rapid cycling) a few years ago at the age of 34. To be black in america and also be one of the most advanced personalities on the planet. Reading this description is like staring into my own mind. I am 38 years old and just found out I am an INFJ. Since this is my ruling way of perception and judgement, when I am socializing, I may see patterns behind the words and deeds of people I don’t want to see, and I can’t decide whether I’m still working or just being myself. Hi everyone! I know that, us INFJ’s, have to have meaning in our jobs, but I was thinking you could counterbalance that by spending the time (like you could on a night time security role), surfing the web, reading books, learning a new language. I prefer to sit in my car by myself until we go on rather than getting the glory and praise. I hope that I didn’t over share. To know this is part of the type is massively helpful. I struggle every day with my personality traits. Sometimes I hear my name whispered in the halls at school. <3. I have to go and hide in a bathroom stall several times a day to cope with that! How to say… Like being too mature, unlike how a child suppose act. Please ask any question you need and thanks for taking the time to read my lil ramble.. Aha :S. Just to add I have my high energy days and my low days as everyone in this post has also stated, I too have a second persona which everyone knows which may include even my own mum, I feel most comfortable by myself, I can’t look people in the eyes because I’m scared They might think I’m trying to be aggressive in some way, I walk with my eyes to the floor all the time, I make most mistakes when people are watching me as I care more for what people think of me because it can change the way I think of them. I so want to fit in, go out and have friends then in the end I would get back to my loneliness and think about what not! The personality type was never internalized personally, because as I initially stated I am text book INFJ, and seemed to always focus as well as apply what I had learned and experience to and towards another person. Hi There, I’ve learned a lot about myself. Reading each and every one of these comments feels like I have finally found home 🙂 As an INFJ, I have always felt like the odd man out, never fitting in, and still do to this day. Most of the dating I do is on a dating site(not gonna say which one it is.) I can easily open up if people seem like they may care but only a few people know me too a great extent. We are looked at as prophets if the world actually gave us time to reveal who we are. INFJ’s would be VERY good in all of these sorts of careers because they desire to help others and have a strong moral compass and gain satisfaction (well, most of the time anyway- he hates the paperwork lol) from helping behind-the-scenes to make the world a better place. In all honesty now that I now I am an INFJ I am proud to be one. For instance, standing in the return line at Costco the other day, I noticed the young mom in front of me telling her young son (~3 years old) that he had to wait to use the bathroom until she’d returned her stuff. Hey everyone, First of all, I am an INFJ, just so there is no confusion. My only child is 15, and he knows “that’s just how dad is :)”. Also was wondering what you do for a living? It wasn’t till I found out I was one that I realized why it’s been so difficult meeting other’s similar to me. Seeing the growth and successes of the individuals I have been lucky enough to work with over the years, is enough to make my heart explode! Conversations are the best because there can be so much depth added when its backed by logistical emotion and intellectual thinking! Its nine personality types based on what motivates us and it’s pretty interesting. Why do I feel disconnected? We’ve got to spiritually and emotionally and mentally protect ourselves. I’m only 17, but life has not been easy for me. I always thought there was something wrong with me growing up. I only started researching this topic today, and apparently I fit into this 1%… I happen to be stuck in a big low, and I’m so happy you mentioned someone thought bi-polar, because that’s exactly what I’ve been feeling myself, wondering what that heck is wrong with me, and why I can’t seem to pick myself back up again. It is of great utility to pick up and sense what the other person is thinking or feeling, even before they do! “[Psychologists] call that the Barnum Effect. I love being with people, so I’ve never felt exceptionally like an introvert, but then I get so drained from social events I’ve always thought I must be abnormal. Suspicion of bi polar or schizophrenia. Mark my words on this.. On the other hand I worry so much about not hurting others’ feelings that finally I become very dependent on other peoples opinions, this is destructive for me! However, sometimes INFJs are too quick to door slam. I just found out I am INFJ. Thanks for sharing this. You are lucky…these types of forums didn’t exist at all until I was in my 40’s, or fairly recently. Honestly I’m sad that I don’t bat the other way :’). I have never to my knowledge ever met an INFJ personally. It’s strange, because prior to this time I hadn’t experienced any symptoms. So we learn to be authentically caring, and learn to focus practically on our humanitarian work when out amoungst people in an effort to stop not only other’s suffering, but our own when we are out around those who suffer. Hi. This is puffery and fluff. Almost to the point as though it is a curse. Holidays were the absolute worse thing ever because they were filled with so much tension that I just couldn’t handle it taking the joy out of anything Santa brought me. You guys give me hope and a feeling of acceptance. Now I use this to my advantage and when I meet someone new I ask them to take the personality test! At the moment I’m really trying hard to understand whether or not I intuitively zero in on other INFJs when I spot them. I tried a few personality tests on different websites and i keep on getting INFJ-A. Stupid media, stupid parents telling kids they are not living up to their standards. I have always connected better with animals and nature than I do with people. The continual angst is tedious for even us. I turn inside a lot and have started to meditate. Hello everyone! I’m one too! Especially when I read about how much energy and emotions I expend on others at work and home and need to go be alone to “recharge.” The people closest to me (all two of them, ha ha) don’t always understand my “alone/down time” they think I’m being aloof, anti social, or difficult or something. Highly sensitive. It was a moment when I decided to accept that and to embrace who and what I am and make the most of it in the mean time. That’s my biggest fear bc that would mean I am a horrible example of a human. Pain demands to be felt, and when we block it – we block ourselves. Finding out I am an INFJ has been such a great relief for me as well! TiSe’s often have a thrill-seeking side, and may enjoy sports, gambling, skydiving, bungee jumping, adventure travel or speeding down the highway in a sports car or on their motorcycle. I have a very strong set of moral beliefs that I find difficult to break, and I certainly don’t want to break them. I wrestled for years with trying to figure out if there was something wrong with me because I processed things so differently than anyone I knew. Currently, I’m considering attending a support group to try to learn new ways to manage my symptoms. Being an INFJ, I love reading articles like this. I have taken over ten online personality quizzes and have gotten INFJ every time. They are known for being great verbal communicators. I also tend to work very diligently and find myself getting taken advantage of and consequently becom. I see things for what they are and am often bluntly honest. People…I need them sometimes, but mostly they get on my nerves and the guilt of that grinds on my soul. Hi, I too am 31 yrs old. Another INFJ here, just to be sure I have taken the MBTI a few times and while the percentages change slightly, I always come up as an INFJ. I definitely recommend it, it’s a great book so far!! I was really struck by your career frustrations because they mirror my own. Has any other INFJs went through a period of thinking that they experience a higher/deeper level of emotions than others? We have been together for almost 10 years though. Enjoyed reading other people’s comments and the article , <3 INFJ & of course INTJ's! It took me 3 months to get over my ex of 1.5 years. And I cannot stand abrasive, shallow people. I even thought of myself to be snobby and rude cos I didnt feel like going out or talking suddenly with friends. Whatever kind of feeling is in a room that I’m in, I feel it extremely strongly to the point where it physically hurts me. What else would yo like to know? ? The very wordplay screams infj, a bit of an activist and a sweet heart, the total opposite of a kanye. I recently discovered that a close coworker is also an INFJ (she had no idea I was) and find it very nice to have someone who can understand how I approach things 🙂. The world inside of me is so big that I am often absent-minded. I am an INFJ and also an 11 in numerology. I often feel like being an INFJ puts me in conflict with the world, while my disabilities have left me in conflict with myself. For your amusement here are examples of some blogs I have posted on a website I recently developed. I think the answer is realizing your not the only one on earth that matters and put the work in. Regarding your last question of how do we focus our attention, I have always struggled with keeping focused. I took a few personality tests today. I have often thought that I am slightly autistic because of how difficult I find it to be around other people. With that being said, it’s to our advantage that we avoid loud crowds and are highly selective with with the company we keep. i’m currently 17 and learning this information will help in the long run I believe. Instead they came about very controlled, as I found I would unconciously change subtle aspects of my personality depending on who I was communicating with. I did it again in 2013 in my Masters in Counseling program. I suffered for that error for over 25 years. I was always told I was an extrovert growing up, and while I’d smile and nod and agree, deep inside I always felt like this wasn’t true. *smile*. Actually this morning I had to walk across the street on campus and a guy in a truck hardly stopped at the stop sign as I was crossing the street and I had an argument in my head about how I might as well just go home because that guy in the truck obviously thought I was useless. As an INFJ we often struggle with the ambiguity of our verbal and non-verbal messages we send out to others. Then I’m continuing on to get my MS in counseling and addiction. INFJ Capricorn here. Being an INFJ has its challenges…it is truly a gift and a curse! a very open-ended question, so i’ll just try to freeform a little about romance in general. I experience amazing highs and amazing lows at times.Everyone thinks I’m a really sociable guy so,question why I don’t like to be in big crowds or why I like my “alone time”. The older I get the more I see the value in structure and the more able I am to create a healthy structure for myself. Also, for me, having a project that I am passionate about helps me so much. I’d rather sleep in peace at night and not have arguments when I’m too tired. On the weekend I make stop motion films alone in my backyard. So I took the test three more times (one of them at another site) and got the same result. Most of my frustration is with society. I just took drawing recently – so relaxing and I met a lot of interesting people. I practically live inside my head a lot that is when I am by myself but when the time comes and I need to interact with people again I have to revert to my persona archetype (Like after a long break from school). Hi Michaela, I too am an INFJ and About 4 months ago I strongly believed I am an alien and I don’t belong to this world. I know I am an OCD, over-achiever, loving and even self-sacrificing individual. Hi Lizzy, I am in the exact same position. The best thing is an adequate support system. other times, organically, my mood will allow me to chat them up just fine, down to getting the digits. Even if it’s been a while. I have just a few friends, but sometimes it’s difficult to reveal my true self, even to them. I am an ISTJ mom of a 14 yr old INFJ. met anyone like the ‘secret me!’ I too am a social chameleon but live in an extremely rich inner world! And going further, I always thought my job of a records investigator, was a terrible choice and that I was stuck in something that didn’t relate to who I was.. then after discovering I was INFJ it all clicked in place.. the problem solving skills, the empathy, the lateral thinking, the logic paths, and the coaching and coaxing of others.. all part of my typology. I have just started going back to school, and one of the tests was a personality test. I learned that I avoid being around my parents too much because they stir too much emotions in me. But I think there is something that all of us have that’s linking us together, if you want send me your birth info and I’ll see what I can find when I have some free time. But at the end of the day, what we really need is another INFJ friend and or to give up the dream of having mere mortals (wink wink) meet us where we are. In truth, being alone is a lot less lonely than being with other people. Being older now, I understand how incredibly rewarding it is to be an INFJ; but when you are younger, it is rough. World think of us as abnormal, as a Child, I was more introvert than average, never wanted to be center of attention, shabbily dressed (even today I have very little understanding of Fashion), avid reader (never left a signboard on the sidewalks), but utter coyness led people to understand me as not so courageous, We are generally good speakers only when we have some cause to, can listen ten times more than I can speak. The best way I can express how I interact with this world is that I learned how to play poker about a year ago, I play my hand of truth–when others bluff it drives me crazy, even though that’s part of the game, I win based on merit, not lies. And that in itself leads to all of these comments of being diagnosed bipolar. And its its not worth it. I can boss them around a bit and they take it without getting upset. ? But going back to being an INFJ, I had a passion for these and I genuinely like helping people. Our family of 5 were very healthy and active except for me. I tested INFJ and my mind was blown. People have been asking me for advice for a while. This led me to do some research on these unique little snowflake personalities. Completely opposite ends of the spectrum! It may seem like we’re being inflexible, but really, we just need some time to be okay with the new plan or idea. They are often involved with charities and NGOs. I attribute this to the variables actually having qualitative/quantitative value unlike Algebra (snooze). Why do I feel hurt and then I dig deeper until discovering the answer. But now I see it as a training for me to use more of my Te and rationalize every encounters that may hurt my feeling. Wow, reading all of these comments is like reading my thoughts from the expanse of my life. It’s almost frustrating to the point that I WANT to be wrong. This is why I did it…. Hi there! yes i pretend like a hit man thing, n now i cant leave that thing bcz it keeps them away. Like others I have always felt different from other people but this makes a lot of sense. It was only a few days ago that I found out I was an INFJ. And hopefully, one day, this quiet introvert rebellion of ours, will change this <3 I’m an INFJ. However, as soon as we are forced to act according to external necessities, it causes stress for us. But they are misunderstood because the highs come when I need energy to complete something, then I hide in my shell. INFJs are capable of being spontaneous, but there will be times when we just cannot wrap our minds around a new idea. I’m not surprised, but it’s great that it finally makes sense!!! Loved it! He was basically the dictator of the family, and a spoiled brat to boot. You learn more about yourself and you will be a better person to the next person to come into your life. And the other INFJs. Anyone else in this situation? I’m (almost-) 26, in April, and I had the most horrible panic attacks from knowing so much about people. I’ve made almost 400 of them. I am a wreck of an amazing person all at once. I can see things that others can not, I can hear things others can not, I can smell things others can not, and I think things others DO not. I have described myself as a chameleon to others before. I have to say I was a bit embarrassed by the result yet looking at all the character traits it was ME!! It is not something I want, but by eyes contact with others, it make me see through something hidden inside like their hostile toward me or they’re trying to use me. I couldn’t have said it any better. What advice do you have for an INFJ that just never seems to fit in with others in the workplace? To keep your health find that special one or two or three(!) For other people’s like my sis or bro it was quite easy to communicate but for me I use to get stuck in that moment could not able to utter a single word people around used to say do I ever speak? INfJs are said to be so emphathetic, which is true, but we can also be very self absorbed (me at least, INFJ type 4). Now, I know that I’m not crazy. I too have a dream that one day all will be equal, especially the poor. I took personality test online about a year ago or so and I got INFP at first and in other ocassion I got INTJ. I have found that this has caused me “physical pain” now though. I am pretty much your typical cookie cutter INFJ, with the exception that I am a little closer to the centerline on the feeling/thinking spectrum. I understand from taking a test that I am an INFJ. I took the test many years ago during college. People think I’m very sociable and outgoing, but I prefer being alone. I love meeting new people and talking but then I get so drained and I want to be alone with my phone turned off. <3 And be available to a fellow INFJ should you come across them, because Boy Do They Need You! Hi! I have always known I was different than most. The process is difficult, confusing and painful. Stop forcing children to have these “rights of passage” what the hell? I try to reason for them for their selfish behaviour. I was very depressed when I worked for a large, corporate company. But its very bad, as we over think toooo much and this kills our ability to talk and think normally, wwhen communicating with friends, elders as while talking to them, we know that they think that we(I) am talking like jerks or are(am) a jerk… Whatever i wrote, only a true INFJ will understand within his mind and feel it like it is TRUE) ….. Nd yeah, about the idea of forming the “INFJ Community” as i saw in one of the above comments, it is a dumb idea, being rare is not like winning a Noble prize, we should do what we are doing right now, day by day,this quality will make us more strong mentally, but we should be within touch of our friends so that we don’t get lost deep in our thoughts, yeah as this problem will surely result to some chronic psychological problem. But mostly I shut down from people who have in a way hurt my inner self. 2. This extreme sensitivity sometimes makes me see others as if they were hollow vases who are too busy hiding from the possibility of pain to see that the whole humankind is suffering. Only my kids…..and I drove them crazy! Also, being non-confrontational. I have thought about careers in management to make a positive impact to my group, although my natural introversion really gets in the way. Then I was just like, “Well why am I like this then?” I feel like learning about being an INFJ has made me appreciate my struggles more. Hate shopping. It makes a lot of sense to me and I can relate to everything written about the personality type. It seems that I am constantly adapting my personality to fit a situation, and therefore being disgenuine and compromising who I truly am. So try dating an ENTP, they might be your soulmate! My Professor told me my scores were very high but I’m not so sure. I felt so lonely deep inside my heart, and i am sad about it. I want to make the move based on the fact that in theory, I should be able to make a bigger impact on the world; but I don’t want to leave my comfort zone at the same time since I know my current position is much less stressful and requires less hours be worked. I really wish I wasnt at times, bc I find it so HARD to connect with other ppl. I do genuinely like helping people. I discovered I was an INFJ some time ago, but most of my life was spent feeling cut off from the world around me. I was diagnosed with Manic Depression four years ago and had to go through therapy and medication. I don’t dislike any of them but I feel as though I can’t communicate with anyone because I feel like they are ALL judging me, like they think I shouldn’t be in the program for some reason. I’m in INFJ too, although sometimes I wish I wasn’t. Studied again in formal courses but also by myself to develop a new career as Teacher, Coah and Psychoterapist. I just found out I was an INFJ ,and it feels so good to know I’m not alone! I have sometimes felt I don’t belong to any of my friend circles. Not everyone has to. It’s like I see the entire mechanics of things and can take a guess at what may be wrong and 9/10 I’m right even if I may not know what the parts that need worked on are called. Haha. I was called “Lone Ranger” and “Weirdo”. I’m 14 and I recently found out I’m an INFJ. A walking contradiction of sorts. I came to this site to see if there was a connection. Found out about introversion a few years ago, and tested again and again as an INFJ. We don’t mean to be cruel, though, and we’re sorry for the times that we are. It made family, friends, and ex-b…crazy wife think that I am bipolar, but I know I not. In fact it helped me realise my potential to a great extent. It definitely helped me to see that I belonged, you know? Hi everyone, I discovered i am an INFJ in the last few weeks, I almost cannot believe what i am reading as this nearly all applies to me, Bi-polar, really high some days and low on others, thinking i have autism because of difficulty communicating, feeling drained being around people for long periods of time and having a massive need to want to help everyone – I find I am not present a lot of the time which mediation and Buddism really helped with. I switched schools a lot as a child, dropped out of HS when I was 17, but went back and got my diploma. I walk the track at the gym and can feel the emotions of those around me. Since I was 13 I was writting novels about minorities finding power to achieve their dreams. I’ve been searching for months/years (online, careers advisers) to try and find a career that is tailored to my personality. Plus you can feel like you’re doing some good in the world by volunteering at a care facility or something similar. I feel like the whole world is against me, that every little mistake I make is written down in the record of my reputation. I’m a lawyer and manage to cope with the pressure, but only because I believe I’m helping others. I am an INFJ. I want to live alone in the country with a lot of animals.

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